The Broken-Up Path
At the moment that Bnei Yisrael were building the Golden Calf, Moshe was on Har Sinai in the process of receiving the first set of luchot. The Talmud Yerushalmi (Taanit 4:5) describes the moment with the following, fascinating description. Hashem was holding onto two tefachim of the luchot. Moshe was holding onto two tefachim of the luchot, and there was a space of two tefachim in the middle. As Bnei Yisrael began to worship the golden calf, Hashem began to pull the luchot out of Moshe’s hands. But Moshe refused to let go. He grabbed them back from Hashem, as is described in the last pasuk of the Torah, “And by and the strong hand and awesome power that Moshe performed.” Clearly, this Gemara makes no sense if we understand it to be describing a battle of strength between Moshe and Hashem.
Rav Schorr explains that the Gemara is actually describing how Moshe’s tremendously strong will and desire to receive the luchot on behalf of Klal Yisrael is what overcame the natural results of their sin. But that is not the end of the story. Moshe brings the luchot down to Klal Yisrael, and promptly shatters them. Again, Hashem is in full agreement with Moshe’s actions. What was the point of fighting to get the luchot, only to break them?
The first luchot, the ones Moshe fought so hard for, reflected the spiritual level we were on at Har Sinai. The writing on the luchot was the writing of Hashem, and it infused the stones completely, the same way our souls infused and uplifted our bodies completely. After the giving of the Torah, we were charged with the task of waiting for Moshe to come back down, so that we could solidify our spiritual gains. When we sinned with the golden calf, our neshama, as always, remained pure. But our bodies were no longer on the same spiritual level.
The stones of the first luchot, crafted by Hashem, represented the way our bodies were spiritually uplifted at Har Sinai. However, we were no longer on the level where we could receive them. Moshe had to break them. At that moment the letters on the luchot, the indestructible words of Hashem, flew into the air. Those same letters would later engrave themselves on the second set of luchot. Nevertheless, Moshe did not get rid of those first stones. The stones he broke he placed in the Aron, next to the second set of luchot.
The message is that we still have a path back to where we started. That path is described at the end of the parsha. After Moshe confronts Bnei Yisrael over the sin, he asks Hashem to reveal Himself to him. Hashem replies, “You will see My Back, and My Face will not be seen.” The Chidushei HaRim points out that the order of the words in this pasuk allow us to read it in a few ways. We can read it, “You will see my back and my face,” and we can read it, “my back and my face will not be seen.” This is a description of the broken-up path to spirituality that we experience today. Each time we get to a place of greater closeness, it opens up a new level of comparative darkness. We oscillate back and forth between times of closeness and times of distance. If we ride the waves, we move closer to Hashem over the course of our life. What we experience now, after chet ha’egel, is a longer, more broken path. But we did not completely loose that which Moshe fought so hard to keep for us. The broken luchot are still resting in the Aron.